Tag Archive: children


The Beauty of J!

J is amazing! His smile and imagination mesmerize me. He is a reflection of his father and paternal grandmother. Seldomly, I see glimpses of myself in his image.

I devour his cuddly moments…sometimes they are to avoid a directive I have given. Today, he jumped on me several times and gave me cuddles and told me he loves me. I grab him close and tell him I have a secret I whisper in his ear I love him. His rebuttal is ” Mommy, that is not a secret…everybody knows you love me….I know you love me.”

His self-esteem is sweet. He has soaked up all my positive affirmations. J knows he is amazing, thoughtful, and intelligent. When we were at Chik-fi-la he made sure to help the babies open the door. He always makes sure babies are safe…he stays close to them to make sure they don’t fall. He freely hugs and kisses little girls and finds something positive to say about them like ” you have a pretty dress.” He always tries to find commonality between he and other children ” We both have a red shirt, but you have Spider man on your shirt , I don’t.” J is a social butterfly like myself; He talks to anybody and makes himself comfortable with them. He mirrors my behavior…I am SUPER  social..I engage in conversation with everybody….greeting anyone I come in contact with. I wish them a wonderful day and share a smile.

J loves red. Red is his Superhero color and his regular boy color, too. Today, he dressed himself. He picked a red shirt with white and sky blue bold stripe and red, black with hints of white gray checkered plaid print. He topped his outfit with a red beanie. His socks were red with a green frog prince.

He has a fantastic imagination…He calls his swing his rocketship. He spends hours drawing, coloring and cutting out his drawings. He created a picture of Cyborg as a centaur, He gave Raven a pink cloak; he noted that “Raven changed her clothes.”

J loves and looks forward to story time. He isn’t playing much with his Thomas toys, however, he often picks, Thomas books for storytime. J especially loves the Thomas toys with sound effects.  I enjoy when he reads me books.

He is observant. We were waiting at the drive thru and a young woman walks by in a blue shirt that had the word PINK on it. J remarked ” why does her shirt say pink when it is blue?”

J loves numbers and math. J was talking to his friend Josh..J was saying something about the number 100 and Josh said he wanted to have 2 billion. J comments ” That’s a lot more than 100.” Later, that evening J tells me ” Mama, 8 + 4=12 and 3 x 4=12″ I often hear him saying math facts to self throughout the day.

This evening, he had fun watering the mesquite tree. He exclaimed the waterfall from the hose was a “rainbow”.  We made jazz music with harmonicas, tambourines and maracas. He sang the ABC’s while we danced and sang.

J’s strength’s are his love, automatic forgiveness, optimism, cheerfulness, and his enthusiasm for learning. He is a cyclone of movement…dancing, tumbling, climbing, sliding and jumping.

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Today, we went to the park. We had a lot of fun. J was excited before we got to the park he asked me several times ” Are you going to meet new adult friends?” and ” Are you going to talk to other adults?” He talked about having fun at the park and meeting new friends.

When we arrived he climbed the jungle gym and sat down on the bench. He sat quietly, taking it all in. Then he jumped up and walked towards the monkey bars. He sat down again…thinking. Climbing up the steps to the big slide he called out ” You are going to be down there? Where I can see you?” I reassured him. He stood at the top of the stairs with a little girl for several minutes while I waited below. He slid down with a smile. He challenged me to climb up the slide. I failed that challenge; I got half way there and kept sliding down. He smiled at me and gave me another challenge ” Climb up there.” That was a easy task. J smiled when I completed the journey up the bars.

We ran across the park to another jungle gym. J climbed through the tunnel and jumped off. J jumped off the play equipment dancing to “Happy” by Pharrell . Then he climbed up to another jungle gym, where a little boy was. J asked the little boy ” Hey, do you want to dance with me?” The little boy obliged and another boy came and joined the dance-off.  J showed off his spins on the ground, wild arm movement, and eye-catching body swaying. He and the other boys captured the attention of  parents and grandparents.

I had to intervene on J’s perception of entitlement. He wanted to swing and a little girl got off the swing to twist the swing. The cavalier J hopped right on the swing. I told him it was not his turn she was still swinging. He promptly moved to the next swing where her little brother was swinging and tried to get the little brother to converse with him. The little boy chatted with J and J attempted to take his swing. Again, I said it was not his turn. The boy graciously gave J the swing and J said ” Tell him thank you”  and he did. We marched over the hill to search for the loud music. J tried to dance, he covered his ears and squinted his eyes exclaiming ” It’s too loud!”. We backed up several feet until he stopped covering his ears and he rhythmically danced to Katy Perry’s “Roar” . People smiled and complimented his as they passed him.

J found  a tent with lanterns for “Light up the night”. He held a white lantern and walked around the tent. A tall gentlemen asked where his lanterns had gone and I said my son had it . He asked for the lantern back. J gave him back the lantern without provocation. J asked me ” What are the lanterns for? What do they mean?” I told him he needed to ask the man. He did ask and the man told us that each lantern has a meaning that red was for supporter, yellow was for survivor/fighter, and white was for the fallen heroes. He listened to him intently.

Lastly, we found a tent to paint on banner paper. J immediately began to paint Pato. There was a senior woman next to him, I asked him to ask her if she would like to paint with him. She said yes. The woman was kind and talked to J about his picture and said they should come up for a name for their Duck. She spoke to J, he didn’t speak. So, I spoke for him. In this moment, I’ve realized I am quick to speak for him. I need to allow him to speak even if it takes him a while to process or tune in. The woman introduced herself as Diane and Diane painted with J for about ten minutes then excused herself. J painted for about two hours. He painted with ease with a brother and sister aged 8 years and 6 years old. Then a sister pair came. He spoke to the girl ” Hi, my name is J. What’s your name? How are you?” He was in her face and she ignored him. He was in her personal space. He repeated Himself, then realized she was not going to acknowledge him. He went back to painting. Moments later a older boy came by, I invited him to paint. J began to try to control the boy by holding his arm so that he wouldn’t paint. I corrected his behavior. I redirected J to introduce himself. The boy mumbled “My name is Wesley.” J said ” “It’s too loud, I can’t hear him.”  So, I told him he could ask him again. Wesley mumbled his name again. I then told J Wesley’s name. J complained that it was too loud. The volume didn’t seem to increase to me. Three more children came to paint and were standing in J’s personal space and across from him. The little boy used a louder tone of voice to be heard and was standing less than an inch apart from J. J drew a red circle, according to him it was not the way he wanted his red circle to look. He began to scream and was inconsolable. I told him we needed to leave because his heart was racing and he needed to go home to do art in his art studio. He stopped screaming to feel his thumping heart. He was kindly given several pieces of paper and we trekked back to our minivan. J cried, screeched, and stomped to the van. The way he stomped and tantrumed was unnerving and weird. It was if he was itchy and spastic. His movements seem involuntary and hypnotic.

I drove across the street and ordered us ice cream from McDonald’s. We sat in the parking lot eating our ice cream. He screamed in horror when he dropped his spoon, empty cup, and when his water bottle poured all over the floor. I told him he needed to calm down before I would drive the car home. After he finished his ice cream He revealed ” I’m happy, now! ”

Today, I was incredibly proud of J. He talked to his peers without prompting. He was engaged and happy. Before he fell asleep He said he had a great day!

boo boo on his hand= MALEodrama…he was soooo dramatic about his abrasion. He still needs kisses and hugs. He begins to weep when he sees it..2 days later!

ice on the boo boo

J is helping me make the bed.
I did 8 loads of laundry on Saturday, mopped the floors, just cleaned house and the yard.

J entertains himself while I clean; periodically I jump in and play with him.

Unschooling is a range of educational philosophies and practices centered on allowing children to learn through their natural life experiences, including play, game play, household responsibilities, work experience, and social interaction, rather than through a more traditional school curriculum. There are many who find it controversial.[1] Unschooling encourages exploration of activities, often initiated by the children themselves, facilitated by the adults. Unschooling differs from conventional schooling principally in the thesis that standard curricula and conventional grading methods, as well as other features of traditional schooling, are counterproductive to the goal of maximizing the education of each child.

The term “unschooling” was coined in the 1970s and used by educator John Holt, widely regarded as the “father” of unschooling.[2] While often considered a subset of homeschooling, unschoolers may be as philosophically separate from other homeschoolers as they are from advocates of conventional schooling. While homeschooling has been subject to widespread public debate, little media attention has been given to unschooling in particular. Popular critics of unschooling tend to view it as an extreme educational philosophy, with concerns that unschooled children lack the social skills, structure, and motivation of their peers, especially in the job market, while proponents of unschooling say exactly the opposite is true: self-directed education in a natural environment makes a child more equipped to handle the “real world.”[3]

A fundamental premise of unschooling is that curiosity is innate and that children want to learn. From this an argument can be made that institutionalizing children in a so-called “one size fits all” or “factory model” school is an inefficient use of the children’s time, because it requires each child to learn a specific subject matter in a particular manner, at a particular pace, and at a particular time regardless of that individual’s present or future needs, interests, goals, or any pre-existing knowledge he or she might have about the topic.

Many unschoolers believe that opportunities for valuable hands-on, community-based, spontaneous, and real-world experiences are missed when educational opportunities are limited to those inside a school building.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

We have a schedule:

9:30-11:30: Library time: which includes playing with toys, circle time, craft activity, songs and dance.

11:30-12pm : Lunchtime (at our daily fieldtrip of the day)

12pm-1pm:playtime

1pm: cirriculum reading : Planting a rainbow, Eating a rainbow, How plants grow, Gardening for Kids.

2pm: Naptime

5pm: snack and outsidetime

I would like more time to focus on subjects such as shapes, math, ABC’s, colors and sometimes Phonics (usually done in the morning; but not always.)

I need to find balance; so the boys can have plenty of freedom to play but also learn.

I’m deeply attached to routine ( even though not everyday is the same but we have a basic flow) and I like a curriculum because it gives me security and keeps me focused on their education.

I make sure that we do alot of kid friendly activities and let them make daily choices. For example today, they were given the choice between going to the community garden with the playground or going to botantical garden. Sky chose community garden with the playground, J refused to give me a answer when asked several times.

We were going to the Train Museum once a week but Sky said that it was getting boring, so we have been mixing it up a bit. Finding new places to go. We also changed the cirriculum to fit these choices. For the month of May we are studying Living Things: Plants and Animals. We have been visiting community gardens, nurseries, zoo, and next week we will go to pets stores ( a suggestion from Sky). We will also choose a aquatic pet for us to care at home-to further our study of living things and hopefully find a plant to live with our pet.

Later this month J will be attending 2 classes a week through Parks and Recreation. The classes he will be attending are Dance and Motor Development. They are separated by age. He has a new love of swimming so swimming and/or waterplay will be a regular activity. I’m thinking of getting a cheap lil plastic pool for evening play and going to the city pool’s during the days.

I was tempted to put him in a Arts -n- Crafts but his attention span doesn’t really last for art. His attention varies but its not his thing…unless it involves paint…crayons kind of bore him. He loves to smear the glue stick.

While reading this book to J, He changed the word Papa to Mom. This broke my heart , tears well up when I think about that moment.

This was one of the many books that focus on father & child bond and love, that I believed and wanted in my earlier part of my pregnancy to be part of J’s reading time with his father.

It hurts me, that J doesn’t have a involved & loving Dad. A dad he can share childhood secrets with, he doesn’t have a Dad that he run to with open arms and a smile as wide as his face.  A Dad he thinks is the best, the sun rises and falls with. Someone he can see his own reflection ( because they look just alike). A Dad to shares laughs and good times and to teach life lessons. A dad who gives amazing and infinite love.

Daddies are so IMPORTANT. Daddies nourish and nurture their babies and provide love and protection.

When I was in my 20’s I read a article about Mothers as gatekeepers in their childrens relationship with their Fathers. That always stuck on my mind. I have done everything to make and create a relationship for J and his Father. I call update him on things that are going on his life, I have taken him to see him and brought J’s favorite toys and books ( to help foster positive memories), I call J’s father just to remind him whenever he wants to see J he can (I will postpone any plans so they can spend time together), I told him he can call anytime to talk to him. I have asked him if he understands that he can see him whenever, I have emphasized you can see him Monday thru Sunday.

I get bombarded with sorry excuses of his emotional hurt over me breaking up with him.  It’s plain self-centeredness that is the reason why he is not involved. He loves to tell people he loves J, but when confronted about him calling me to tell me he doesn’t want me to bring J around anymore for them to spend time together, he exclaims ” I don’t want to discuss that right now.” or just denies it.

He had nerve this week to call me with his Uncle on the phone. His Uncle tried to make excuses for his behavior exclaiming that my ex grew up without a Father and that was a explanation for his deficits. My Mom who is a retired Special Ed teacher offered to buy him a car ( to which I told her NO! he is a Man he needs to save, work and earn his car(I wasn’t seeing a hardwork ethic)) and provided him with free private GED tutoring which he eventually declined and refused to attend after he said he was learning.

I grew up without a Father, and yes it comes with its challenges but is NEVER a good enough excuse/EXPLANATION to not accomplish or be a great Dad.

I have 2 associates and a bachelors, paid my mortage, raised my nephew…did all that without a  DAD in my life. I know many people in my family who didn’t have a nuclear family who have Masters degrees. My own Mom’s Dad dies when she was 9 years old; raised 4 children by herself because of IRRESPONSIBLE  men she married didnt take their roles as husband & father seriously. My Mom has 2 masters degrees in Education.  President Clinton & Obama were both raised by single Moms.

J is blessed to have a very LOVING  granpa. Who gives him attention, love and lets J shadow him.

I love my son, he is the best! He is jubilant, expressive, creative, delightful and my everything!

Last night, I heard a work in progress explosion or as I call it ” bubble guts”.

So, I anticipated liquid poo for the forecast today…

and liquid poo is what J delivered with a extra side of vomit!!!

I have had to change the bed sheets, wash him up in the tub, and wash his clothes & linens.

He still has a slight fever. the fever reducer isn’t taking it down.

He still has a appetite….he is nursing and just wants to be held. He’s moving alot. flapping his arms like is flying and moving his legs all around!

While he sits on my lap we are reading his favorite books and giving him lots of kisses.

He has been very helpful; helping me take my bedsheets off the bed and helping to mop after I mopped the floor.

We went outside to play in the mud…J enjoyed splashing in the water..He wanted nothing to do with getting muddy. With my assistance he scooped mud in the dump truck.

J agreed to go inside and take a nap since he was out of sorts and just wanted to rest. He then changed his mind and ventured into the playroom to play with toys and watch Thomas & Friends. He is sitting on the “puke sheet” with his turquiose vomit basin near him!

He is sipping on a wild concuction of juice (pomergranate& blueberry) gingerale & water.

EVERYONE POOPS

I LIKE MYSELF

THE WHEELS ON THE BUS

WE LIKE TO PLAY MUSIC

HANDS HANDS FINGER THUMB

DUCK ON A BIKE

On Friday, I kept asking J “do you need to go potty?” he replied firmly “no!”.

So, after playing outside it was time to sit on the potty.

I discovered WHY he didnt need to go potty….he had already POOED his underpants!

A BIG FIRM BLOB OF POO!

A voice in my head kept repeating “Not cool! not cool!”

The Poo had become bonded with his underwear….GROSS!!!!!

Today, was a whole NEW LEVEL of OMG!!.

He was in the bath playing with his measuring cups…having a BLAST!

J calls me ” Mommmmm potty”.

I was busy…so i finished up….it took me 45 seconds….

As I walk into the bathroom, he begins to poooooop.

He glances up for a brief second says “ewww poop” then goes back to playing.

Needless to say Bathtime was over….I bleached tthe tub out….What a way  to start my day 🙂

On a positive note, when he woke up this morning his 1st request was “potty Moma”!

Last nite, all I wanted was a nice hot steaming bath with soothing vapors.

I planned on sipping hot cocoa with mini marshmallows in it.

But, J had different plans. He went to bed at his usual bedtime 7:15 ish.

We had a long fun & playful day.

He began his morning with playtime at the library.

Then we came home played in the backyard and had lunch and a snack.

Next, we went to the train museum. He explored the famous 1673 Southern Pacific train.

We searched for rectangles and circles. We hunted for the color yellow. Together we counted to 30.

After the train museum we had snack and played in the backyard. At 4:30 we had Rectangle Rug time and we went over concepts: colors, numbers, shapes, and letters.

We read a couple of books…

I fed him dinner, had praise & worship, brushed teeth and nursed him to “sleepyville”.

J did not want the cuddling to end….He would “release” me to finish my “me time” activities.

I put everything on hold to comfort him. I left lights on, turned my bath water off, and left dishes in the sink.

At 2:25am I got up to turn off the lights and he clung to me grumbling and beginning to whimper. I told him I was getting up to turn off the lights and I will be right back. He went back to sleep peacefully. When I laid down He threw himself across my chest.

I was able to fulfill my desires this morning, I had vaporizing vapo-bubble bath. I lathered up with my pomergranate mango bodywash, while smiling at my marsupial toddler boy….He clings on  to me and goes whereever I go. I love him and his clingyness! 🙂

Grounded :(

I know grounding a 2year old is harsh. However, it’s all I got . I figure a natural consequence to hurting a friend is separation from that friend. J is a social butterfly. This social alienation is BIG for him. He cried…he doesnt cry for his 2 minute timeouts.

J is grounded to his room for a little bit for hitting his friend in the head.

To teach him empathy he had to hold the ice on his friend’s head with his dump truck.

His friend recieved a bump on his head from this; He is content because he gets to watch his favorite Dvd. Blues Clues Shapes & Colors.

Movies and TLC are the cure all for him.